thurs aug 30th 2012

"my coworker's throwing this tattoo party type thing for me, september 8th."

"like you're tattooing people there?"

"yea."

"that's cool."

"yea. i wish i could invite more people and schedule more people for tattoos. so far only three are scheduled. three little ones. i wanna do more but i don't know if i'll have the time or engergy. ...know what would be so awesome? if i had like a partner-type figure, someone else who did tattoos, who could do these tattoo party things with me."

"i couldn't do it. i mean i'd want to but i suck at drawing, so i'd suck at it. i'm not a good choice."

"there's several people who have expressed interest in letting me teach them things but i don't know if i should. there's this one guy tim, and then there's this guy ed but he's really young. he's only like a teenager. then there's michelle...."

"michelle? she wants to do tattoos?"

"yea. she mentioned something about it."

"she's probably not a good choice. she has too much other stuff goin' on. she has other stupid stuff going on that she's always doing. she won't put the time into it that's needed. she won't take it seriously enough. she's not a good choice."

"ok. ...then again maybe i shouldn't be thinking about finding someone to teach; maybe i should be thinking about finding another apprenticeship and continuing my education. i already know there's still a lot more i could learn. i already know i could still be so much better. ....but whenever i think of the idea of looking around in shops around here for a new apprenticeship, i get afraid that the people i ask are going to know the people i used to work with. then they're going to ask those people about me and then those people are going to badmouth me."

"they would badmouth you?"

"maybe."

"why? what happened at the shops you used to work at?"

"my boss did me, so then i stopped respecting him so then i stopped listening to him so then that pissed him off and he fired me."

"did, like, sex?"

"yea."

"oh. haha. it's just funny the way you said it. you said it so like nonchalant. 'he did me.' ...well, you let him."

"well i said no the first time, and then he just kept trying. if someone keeps trying over and over again doesn't that kinda just make you think, 'oh, maybe there's a reason i should just give in' ?"

"yea. as in like, if i just give in then they're finally gonna stop bugging me?"

"yea. exactly."

twiztid

in the movie "waiting," in the end where the quiet kid mitch is finally talking for the first time in the whole movie, and he's making fun of justin long's character and saying "'boohoo i don't know what i want to do when i grow up.' join the f*cking army!" ...when he says that does he mean like, join the army of people that don't know what they want to do when they grow up? or does he literally mean join the army?

i have this new obsession: the album "man's myth vol.1" by twiztid. it's all i listen to in my car whenever i drive now, for the past couple weeks. i love the song "entity" sooo much, and the song "the argument." those are my two favorites. after them i guess are the songs "so high" and "story of our lives."

i don't know why but i still have dreams about my old neighbors ingrid & deter semi-frequently. they were always very nice but they were really private people. i think in all the time i've known them i've only been in their house once. i have these dreams where i somehow accidentally end up overstepping the line between my property and theirs, and then i get all worried and start thinking, "they didn't notice did they? they weren't looking out their windows were they?"

am i going to be one of those women that stops wearing makeup in her middle ages? am i going to be one of those women that gains weight in her middle ages? it happened to both my biological parents. that doesn't seem like a good sign. is it going to just start to get harder and harder to stay thin as the years go by? ...only if i worry about it. stop worrying about it liz. just snap out of it.

hi, arlene

the new district leader thinks i don't make enough eye contact with people. i had to go to another SAU to try to "re-impress" him, as stef puts it. i tried to look him in the eye a lot. i was the only employee who wasn't new who had to go to that thing. it seemed like he was looking at me more than anyone else. creepy.

the other morning i woke myself up by yelling, "i'm late!" in my sleep.

over the past few months i've been reminded of the fact that i usually never forget a face. people have come into payless that i haven't seen or talked to in like ten years but i still remember who they are. they clearly don't know who i am. the idea of saying "hi, arlene" or "hi, amy" to them and having them say "how do you know my name?" and me telling them i'm psychic....the idea appeals to me. not enough to actually do it, though.

a few months ago i read a book by jo nesbo that told me the part of the brain that's responsible for remembering faces. if you're really good at it then that part of your brain is abnormally big. i can't remember what it's called though.