the last episode of boardwalk empire that i saw--or maybe the one before that--i found myself getting so hot and bothered when angela and jimmy started having sex. at first she wasn't having it. she was backing away and pushing him away. that just made him start getting more forceful and persistent. he wasn't taking no for an answer. eventually she just gave in and they were making out and she was wrapping her legs around him. oh it was so hot. i had to rewind it and watch it again. maybe it's fucked up that that turns me on but i can't help it, it just does.
i dont know exactly where things stand with sean c. but i think he still likes me. i told him i still like him. i went to see him the other night. we didn't do any more than hug (for a long time) but he's told me before that he just doesn't want to make the first move. i said "what if i wanted to start coming to see you more often?" and he was like "well you know where i live." by the end of the night, and into the next day, i was just stuck in confusion. i didn't know whether to think i was just trying to re-create something that used to be there but isn't there anymore, or whether to think something is still really there. that night, at the party we were at, there was another guy there who was sort of coming on to me. matt w., a guy i've known for kind of a while. he was wasted though. i rejected his advances mainly because i was there to see sean. but the next day, while being so confused about where things stand with sean (and still being sexually frustrated) i texted matt w. saying "hey sexiness." haha. then he answered immediately saying "hello who is this? i'm sorry i got a new phone." i said "liz." then he never answered. maybe an hour or so later i texted him "ha ok sorry if it was weird to say that." he never answered. maybe it's possible that sean does still like me and matt knows it and doesn't want to be a bad friend to sean. maybe he just doesn't even remember i was at that party two nights ago. maybe he was just that wasted, and therefore now he's confused by the fact that i would say anything like that to him because i never have before.
the day after i went to go see sean, sara c. texted me telling me that sean told her i'd been in town. that's not really that important. or maybe it is. i don't know.
sean m. is still just persisting in nagging me to send him sexy pictures. i told him i'm sick of the picture thing and i just want real action. he said he can't provide that now because he's all the way back up in dallas PA for winter break. then he said "would you be my model for money?" then i said "yea" and then he just expected me to start sending him stuff and reminded me that he'd offered to pay and i said "well you say you're gonna give me money but you've said you were gonna do things before that you never ended up doing," and he just never answered me.
...for the record, there was a time when i would have been insulted by him propositioning me into accepting payment from him, for sexual favors or sexy pictures or whatever. that was back when i was still living under the illusion that he and i had sentimental value to one another. i don't live under that illusion anymore however.
oh mom isn't friends with darya anymore but i still am. last week or so i went over to hang out with darya and ray one night. it was really fun catching up with them, just drinking and talking and whatnot. i love her company.
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