shy and kelly

so many things to write about right now. seeing lindsay and sam in virginia. gram and her alzheimers. having a threesome with my boss and his wife. ray telling me that being around me is like being on LSD. singing karaoke to "short skirt long jacket" by cake. the pool party. or did i already write about that? the fact that i can still remember jump-roping and pattycake (if that's the right word) songs from kindergarten. the painting at the old beach house, of a man in a rowboat (and i think he had a kid in the boat with him but i'm not positive but i think it was a little girl). a long expanse of ocean and rain in the background. for some reason that painting was always comforting to me. i don't know exactly why. justin not liking nirvana. having a threesome with shy and his wife kelly. haha. that was pretty damn fun. tiffany telling me she needs a pussy sandwich. seeing that guy chuck kurner at a bar; he was a guy who i went to high school with. the other night i had a dream that i suddenly spontaneously decided to tattoo my face like mike tyson's. i got done with two lines of it (around my eye) and then was like "wait a minute, i don't like this idea. what the fuck was i thinking?" then i was soooooo fuckin happy and relieved when i woke up. as of two days ago i'm a month drug free. such a record for me. right now i feel like my life is just really good (not because of being drug free...my life being good was just my next thought). frances bean cobain is now eighteen years old. weezer is supposedly going on tour. i think i should sing weezer next time i do karaoke. or i should do "friends in low places." haha. that's a good song. yesterday i tried to make it very clear, as clear as i could, to justin, that i like him. i just feel like i've been sending him mixed signals and confusing him so i made an effort to be more clear this time. i sat down next to him and wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my head on his chest. i said "is this allowed?" and he said "sure." i said "can i just stay like this?" and he'd been in the middle of talking to some guy there who must have been a friend of his that i hadn't met before and he said to him "this is lizard, she's our little hippie, so she enjoys hugs." then i said "plus i'm just...into you." then there was just a bit of a silence then i think they went on talking about something else and then a minute later i released his neck from my arms and looked at his face and it was all red. ......then later that night i thought it might have been more likely than not that he'd try to hang out with me or put moves on me but he didn't, and i just ended up staying at shy and kelly's house. haha.

a penguin day

well the other day i wanted to write a blog about how i was so hot for Shy and, for some reason, even more so after i met his kids. maybe Shy was letting me meet his kids, you know, to be manipulative. for some reason seeing him be a dad was like some kind of aphrodisiac. maybe a lot of women are like that. maybe he knows that and that's why he let me meet his kids. but then i met them a second time--and the two older ones too--and Shy was just a little more impatient with them, snappy at them, rude to them. then he reminded me way too much of Tim H. after that. that's exactly what he used to do with me & Chelsea--use us to pick up women and not really spend as much time or effort concentrating on being a good dad. now Shy reminds me of Tim. iew. that definitely is just really....gross.

last night i hung out with darya and ray (i'm going to stop capitalizing names now, i don't feel like it anymore) and we all talked about the pool party we had here two weeks ago. that was a wild wild party. mom & dad kind of got a less-than-golden first impression of shy, i guess cuz he's kind of cocky and full of himself. he didn't stay for that long but he did swim a little while he was here, and when he saw me in a bikini he said really loud "wow! you got a body on you! where did that come from?!" and then i bashfully ducked down behind the bar to get him a beer. i probably turned bright red too.

sean m. is texting me now. i wish he lived closer. lately whenever he tries texting me i just keep telling him he's too far away.

a chicken died last week. nobody knows why. there were no wounds on her or anything. it was the one that had no feathers on her neck, the ratty-looking one, so maybe she had some kind of sickness.

a couple weeks ago theo almost killed the taskers' parakeet joe. she had a little bloody cut on her head when i rescued her. he was damn close to killing her. that night i had a horrible dream about theo killing vinny and ripping his body into shreds. it was the most awful dream i'd had in a long time. it's a pretty rare occurence when i have a dream that's still disturbing to me even after i wake up from it, but that was one of them.

ever since ralph ran away the rat cage has had basically virtually like no smell to it compared to how it was. i guess ralph and vinny were more on top of marking their own personal territories within the cage, when there were two of them.

B.A. told me that shy and his wife are actually together and shy just tells certain girls that they're divorced. B.A. was like "shy says they're not together. bullshit. i've been to their house, i've babysat for them, they. are. to. gether. if you ask shy why he still wears his ring if he's divorced he'll say he keeps it cuz it was his dad's. bullshit. he wears it cuz he's married. but at the same time he's always trying to set up threesomes with girls." at that i was pretty disgusted and i gasped and was like "what a fuckin pig," and B.A. agreed with me. ....not that i've now decided to start disliking shy or anything....i just don't want to be into him like that. that would be a bad move. that would be bad news.

in three days it'll have been three weeks that i haven't smoked any bud.

i tattooed tommy sawyer (our piercer).

mom says that denise says she doesn't see her and steve lasting much longer. that kind of surprised me. i thought steve was going to be denise's final conquest or final chapter or something. she seems to just keep going through guy after guy.

haha. yesterday shane drew this ridiculous cartoon of me. it was just like this ridiculously skinny cartoon person like where's waldo, but with really big balloon-like boobs and a t-shirt on with a peace sign on it cuz shane thinks i'm some kind of big hippie. oh and i had sticks for arms. shane cracks me the fuck up.

that was a wild wild fuckin party two weeks ago. there were people having sex in the treehouse
and in the pool room. the next day mom was like "why did all those girls wanna make out with me?" i already knew about people having sex in the treehouse, i just didn't know about it happening in the pool room too, not until last night when darya was telling me about it. then i sighed and was like "what kind of crowd did i get myself mixed up in? i should've been a buddhist monk in tibet."

up until recently i think justin thought i was more into girls than guys (and more into his friend rachel than him). the other night he was telling me about how he was planning on bringing rachel home, and telling me how good she looks naked, what nice boobs she has and how she has a shaved vagina. i stopped talking to him like i was mad at him and he was calling my name from across the room and i was like "what" in a snappy tone and he was like "are you not talking to me? are you mad at me?" and i didn't answer and then later when he was done giving the tattoo he'd been doing he came over and was like "are you mad at me?" and i was like "no, why" and he was like "i was talking to you and then you stopped talking like you were mad at me" and then i was like "well i was mad for that one second but then i realized i was being stupid" and he was like "oh ok, i don't wanna make lizard mad. i make lizard happy. i make lizard laught and smile and giggle and turn bright red" and then i happened to see in a mirror that i was red in the face and i smirked and ducked behind the receptionist desk.

so anyway then later that night, after i was home, i figured i would send justin a facebook message kind of explaining things cuz i felt bad cuz i felt like i must have been confusing him, first giving him signals that i was more into rachel than him, and then giving him signals that i was more into him than her and was jealous of her.....anyway i just felt bad for confusing him and i sent him this facebook message saying "hey, uh, did u already figure out that i'm attracted to you? cuz i am. and i'm totally cool with the fact that you hook up with rachel but i just wouldn't want her to be there if we were gonna do anything. and if i misread you and your not into me like that that's fine too, we'll just...uh...i never sent you this message. ok? ok." so anyway i didn't get a response yet cuz i don't think he's checked his facebook yet.

yesterday, strangely enough, seemed to revolve around penguins. there were two movies on at work that had penguins in them (good luck chuck and fight club) and then last night i was talking with ray and darya and darya was talking about some kids' movie with penguins in it. i started considering the idea of getting a penguin tattoo.

yesterday kind of sucked for tommy. he just did one piercing and the customer somehow forgot to pay or something. i felt bad for him and i was like "that really sucks about that piercing" and he was like "yea" (he really hasn't been getting many customers at all) and i was like "maybe you should learn to tattoo too" and he was like "i'm trying" and i was like "really?" and he was like "yea, i've given a few" and i was like "really?!" ......so now i've had this thought of helping him out by letting him tattoo me, since he did that for me and all. i guess maybe i'll bring it up to him next time i see him.

august 11

yesterday i must have been ovulating.  i was hornier than normal.

two days ago i tattooed tommy sawyer.  it was my first tattoo where i did any shading.  i think it came out pretty nice too.  tommy thought so also.  it was this little bird flying with a ribbon sort of wrapped around him and sort of hanging off him.  the ribbon said 3/28/06--tommy and his girlfriend's anniversary.  he got it on his stomach.

so yesterday i masturbated and thought of Shy.  haha.  that feels so bad even thinking that, even typing that.  hehehehehehehe.  i automatically imagine accidentally leaving my online blog up on the computer at work and Shy seeing it.  what the hell would he do?  would he confront me?  would he tell the other guys?  would he just pursue me more aggressively?....he has flirted with me before.  he is a sexy motherfucker isn't he.  oh i have more details about things that have happened with him but i have to leave for work now.  i'm still attracted to justin too but.....he's more blatantly promiscuous than shy, and that kind of turns me off a bit....anyway....to work.

from july

Sent: Jul 13 7:16pm Msg: (1/6) 2 days ago a bat flew past me, right in front of me like i almost hit  him,while i was on a jog. It rained and poured madly earlier today.

sent: Jul 13 7:17pm Msg: (3/6) sara c. has to be one of the only ones, if not the only one, who understands me. I'm so lucky to know  her. Dave A. keeps talking to me on fb about bedwetting. I guess im the only other one he knows who has that problem and he usu. Hides it from 
everyone else so its like a release for him to talk about it w me or something. Pat h. sent me a bday card & check. I didnt cash it cuz i dont feel 
right taking her money since i dont consider myself to be in her family.

Msg: (1/6) Ben & peter can swim & tread water now. They have to be wearing those floaty wet suit things but its still cool. Ben is still shitting himself. I dont know what the hell is wrong w him. Oh alana can swim too now. 

A horse licked all the salty sweat off my arms last week, when i stopped to pet him when i was out running

Msg: (4/6) i was riding in the car and that song came on the radio: "i just want to fly. Put your arms around me baby, put your arms around me baby." i 
thought of dopie/justin. Our arms would go around each other so nicely, we have the same body type. We both have the same kind of long lanky limbs and
 he's just the right height for me.  ............aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :) :) :) :):) *dreamy sigh*

sent: Jul 24 2:06am
Msg: Sometimes i think i dont really want ppl in my life. I just want to want  people, cuz i want to feel normal

Sent: Jul 27 1:52am Msg: Today was a major highlight of my life. Me & shy tattooing. Wow. Major.  Major highlight

This is the blog where I'm putting all the pictures from the photo shoot from work.