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Friday, March 11, 2011

entry from feb 26 

entry from feb 26

ok so i'm going to tell this story about recent correspondences between me and sean m, but i don't know why because it's almost the same exact story that's happened between us like dozens of times before.

so on valentines day at around 10 pm sean m texted me saying "happy valentines  day." i never answered him.  About a week later, late at night, he texted me "hey babe."  at first i considered just never 
answering any of his text messages ever again, but then i just decided to basically tell him i didnt want to talk to him anymore.  I 
texted him saying "i just dont get the point of my life right now. I have to figure that out before i can have a guy in it." that wasnt 
really exactly the reason--or was it? It was true that day i was just kind of feeling really down and didnt see the point of my 
life but i didnt want to talk to him ne more bc of the fact that he objectified me and that hurt me.  I guess i just didnt feel 
like explaining that or something.  Or maybe i just really wanted to tell someone at that moment that i didnt see 
the point of my life. I wanted to release that information. I wanted to feel a release.  I dont know why i expected that he 
might try to say something that would make me feel better.  I have no idea why i expected that. It was pretty silly of me. He's 
already done so many things in the past to show me he doesnt care about me. Anyway he answered "just... dont talk to me ne more."  
that made me cry.  Maybe it wasnt even that though.  Maybe i just was already feeling really down that day and wanted to cry, and it 
was his txt message that pushed me over the edge.  Then really late that night he texted me "i still want to give u something."  Then the next night he texted me "rawr."  in the morning i answered "what."  
then the next night (last night) really late--like 4 am--he texted me "i just dont get why its such a problem to meet up."  today i 
texted him saying "do u really want me to explain or r u just going to say 'dont talk to me ne more'?"  he hasnt answered yet.


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