obviously.
the stag was in a seemingly conciliatory stance. He lowered his head to the doe's wound. Was he going to ram his antler into it and make it deeper, or was he going to lick it clean?
Msg: "you are the only exception" by paramore. That song was on the radio the other night as i was driving home. (2/6) Maybe thats what made me think of sean. Maybe
thats why i choose to write about him now. It seems like once you've had your heart broken, once you've been(3/6) forced to
give up on that whole ideal scenario of finding prince charming who sweeps you off your feet and you live happily ever
after--once you give up (4/6) on all that happening, only then can you find true love, or be successful in love-related matters. I changed
since last time i was seeing sean. I've (5/6)changed my perspective on life and relationships. after that whole thing
happened with him and i healed from it, i was content to Go thru life never finding love. The risk behind it just wasnt worth it. Then he
sort of just came back into my life. Knock on wood. And his presence, his company, his person...he's just so intoxicating, so
addictive. The way he thinks. The way his thoughts flow. The way he works. His point of view, his perspective, towards life,
towards other people, his outlook, his views and philosophies on states of consciousness, the way he doesnt take himself or life
too seriously, its like he doesnt have an ego he's impossible to offend. He's totally just non judgmental, open, accepting, goofy,
but so fuckin smart. He's not afraid to show he has emotions either. He has them. He expresses them. He lets them be known. He finds
wonder in things that other ppl dont even notice. He was more attached to ralph & vinny than any of my other friends were.
Sometimes i wonder if he thought of himself as their dad, since i was their mom
Cockapoopoopeepeeshire. Last night dopie sent me a picture of a sea dragon that he drew. He sent it thru pic mail on my phone. For a second i wondered if he had feelings for me or if he was just lonely or
something. I didnt think about it or consider it for too long tho (i was trying not to cuz i know sometimes i can overthink things). Apparently long enough to have a dream related to that that night tho
(last night). . . .
So the other night i had this dream i was at work and i noticed jim from the office was there And then my thoughts were "oh i havent seen him here in a while. Where's he
been? Why didnt i notice till just now that he hasnt been here in a while? I shouldve noticed by now, he's a coworker. And he just
sort of gave me this look that said "notice me." i knew he represented dopie cuz ive thought to myself before that dopie's
personality reminds me of jim's
They run and skip and jump jubilantly thru life. Are they running so fast to make the things they run by seem blurry, so they won't have to see the details and thus see the wrongness and fucked-uppedness of
things? Are they blindfolding themselves to the harshness of the world? Or have they seen all its harshness and details and
still find it beautiful, still find life wonderful, still have energy joy and life bursting forth from them which explains their
inability to sit still? Either way, they are content. Whether they've seen it all or have seen nothing, they are content
He was the one, after all, who had made her change her mind about his gender. Now, however, he was altering his behavior. Was it because he had faith that she would change her mind again? Or was it because he
had faith that she would not change her mind again?
10/4/10
last night i had a dream about dying. Well more specifically i had to be in a coma underground for a month, in order to be able to wake up again and then be able to have at least a few last months to live. I was
trying my hardest to be ready to die, or to be able to say goodbye to the world for a month or something. I was thinking "why
does this seem so hard all of a sudden? I thought i was ready to die. I thought i'd already accomplished everything i'd wanted to
and therefore found life generic and mundane and i thought i was ready to die but at the last minute i wasnt. At the last minute it
was really scary. I was telling dopie about the whole thing, and crying while he cried too and hugged me, when i woke up. You know what
was pretty adorable? That time i slept over his place, for a few hours we were asleep sitting next to each other on the couch with our
heads leaning on each other. So adorable.
10/9/10
Last night i had a dream about shy. We were both naked. I was feeling him up. Then i came, just from having my hands on his body. I came and it felt like i female ejaculated. .....such a hot dream.
10/11/10
haha. i spoke too soon when i was saying all those things about sean c. coming back into my life.
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