the more i thought about it, there were more and more signs and hints that the printmaking professor, belle, just rigs the show and basically decides who wins it. whatever students are her dedicated ass-kissing teacher-worshipping shining stars of little pupils, reap the benefits. tug was the one in 2008, because of his prints. becca was the one in 2009, because of her prints. has anyone ever won the show because of their sculptures? my sculptures were my main attraction, not my prints. ....maybe the professors think of the senior show more like a competition between themselves. the students just represent them. and belle is just the most competitive asshole. and that's why she tends to be so controlling and posessive of the work her students do. in her eyes it's her work too. that's why i've had arguments with her whereas i never had any arguments with any of my other professors. i remember my sculpting professor richard was the man. he would choose his battles. of course he would have tips and suggestions and guidance now and then but he let me make the ultimate decisions. if i ever didn't do something the way he wanted me to he didn't react as severely as belle, which made me respect him more and therefore want to listen to him more. ....or maybe it was his personality really. he could be playful. he could poke fun at me. we could do it to each other, because we knew it didn't matter because we both knew we liked each other. belle, on the other hand, was very careful not to step on any toes or say anything that might have a slight chance of offending someone to their face, so that she could hold it all in and wait until they were gone and ream their asses behind their backs. or maybe it was the way that....she just had a way of making it seem like she was asking a question or asking for your opinion about something and it was really her way of subtlely, subliminally, desguisedly, or whatever the word would be, telling you her opinion or judgement of something. ...and people are supposed to pick up on that or something. richard, on the other hand.... if he didn't like something he would just come right out and say it. "sounds awful," he said to my goblin idea. "were you getting tired of this dog sculpture series?" i said "was it going to be a series?" and then i forget exactly what he said but he made it clear that, yes, he thought it was a better idea for me to do a series. and then later he was trying to tell me to stay away from symmetry in my sculptures because it makes them less interesting to look at. "but this is just how dogs look when they're in that mood," i said, and he said "ok, i'm hitting a brick wall with you, so i'm not going to try anymore." then i thought about it a little longer and decided that, yes, i should try to make it look less symmetrical. and i did. and he liked it.
i guess it was just the way he had the attitude like "i'll give suggestions and whatnot but ultimately it's up to the student, which suggestions they want to follow. if they don't trust that i know what's best, i'll just let them dig their own graves in the senior show." whereas belle, if you ever didn't do what she said, tried to outwardly maintain her composure and act like she didn't care but on the inside she was livid. she would just let it come out now and then in little outbursts of disparaging comments. "how did you transfer your image to your linoleum?" she asked. "in beginning printmaking you taught us how to use transfer paper," i said. "oh, i taught you something?!" she said with an exasperated tone of voice and facial expression, making a jab at me for being rebellious in general (instead of pointing out a single specific thing that i should have done differently, and taking the attitude that if i listened i listened and if i didn't i didn't).
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