Ohh. Just ate 15 pieces of gummy gruesome body parts candy. Gonna be kinda lethargic for awhile. Sometimes when i wipe or scratch my nose, and then smell the smell of the oils or something that were on my skin
and now they're on my finger from scratching my nose, that smell usually smells just like tim, or just exactly like a smell that
i really associate with him. Sometimes my sweaty clothes smell just like his too. Its just funny. Getting reminded of my
biological father every time i smell my own body odors. Oh wow i was going to watch some tv before bed but now i might just be too tired
even for that. Ugh. Candy. I think i may have figured out how to put it in words, the main difference between me and most people. Most
people's life goals are basically to be Successful and secure and to not feel alone, whereas my life goal is to find out
and figure out as much as i can about the world before my time on it is spent. ...i may edit or retract that statement later.
...the song 'free bird' by lynyrd skynyrd makes me feel a little bit nauseous every time i hear it. It's just sickeningly sad. Oh
you know what else is sickening, the torture scene in 'reservoir dogs,' a movie i finally saw today and have been meaning to see
for a while. ...why are my juices coming out so thick and white today? I dont know if it's been like that before...well i guess it has
but not in a while...or it has but i didnt notice...anyway it was a little while later after reading a bunch of very
descriptive sex tips in cosmo, maybe that had something To do with it. ...tommy sold shane's car to someone when it wasnt his to sell,
and sold it for twice as much as he got it for. It was supposed to be tiffany's car. Then supposedly he spent all the money on
drugs. I dont know what kind tho. Shane wants to beat his ass. I think he's not our piercer anymore, or if he is he has to just come
in to work when shane's not there or he'll get beat up. ...Yesterday i became aware of the camera on the ceiling at work, and the fact that
Shy can see what it's seeing from his computer at home. Shy wasnt at work yesterday. At the end of the night he was talking to
josh on the phone. When they hung up josh said shy told him to tell me to stop waving at the camera. That just got me a bit flipped
out and paranoid. Josh and shane were pretty amused by that. Shane told me "i'm pretty sure shy only said that to make you be
how you're being right now." ...i never waved at the camera. Was there ever a time when i looked like i was waving at it? I asked
shane if there was more than one camera. He said no, not that he knows of. If there was a camera in the back of the shop it would've seen me lifting up my
shirt and checking for belly flab in the mirror numerous times.
oct 30, 2010
Yay ive been doing such a good job not eating. Lost a few pounds in the last few days. I gained weight prior to that, y'know cuz of it getting cold and all. I was lookin like a fatass. I wanted to get the weight
off again. I wanted to get laid again. Yesterday and today tho, dont really feel like im in the mood. I guess its not my horny
time of the month maybe?...last night was the halloween party, it was pretty damn fun. Haha. Hahaha. Yesterday at work, near
the end of the work day i was just in a really bad mood. It may have been just cuz i missed a couple days of my zoloft but at one
point i just started crying...for no reason. Then a little while later i snapped out of it tho.
oct 31, 2010
Tim b. said he wants me to tattoo him. Doris wants me to tattoo her. Marco made me think he wanted a tattoo but then he didnt. Out of nowhere 2 nights ago kat k. texted me asking me for nude photos. I
just answered saying "obviously someone else has kats phone." 2 nights ago i talked to mom about the fact that i dont think i
should have kids, snd the fact that whenever she gets drunk she says something like "i'll never have grankids" or "this rat vinny is
the only grandchild ill ever have," like she's sad about it or something. Anyway we discussed it. She said in all seriousness she
agrees that i shouldnt have kids. She doesnt want me to feel like i have to. But she wants me to consider donating an egg. She has someone's sperm in mind
that she wants it to be matched up with. I said "who?" and she said "who do you think?" and then i said "but you're not a man."
and she laughed and said "no, chris."
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