"the kids are alright"

november 27 2010

Cut it out. Put that down. Get your hand out of there. Get off that! Can you  stop? Can you not wreck that? Can you not pull my pants down? Can you not ruin my shirt? Stop scaring the dog. Put her down. Don't 

climb on that. Can you not break my stuff? Can you not give me whiplash? Can you not break my back? Can you not pull my arms out of 

their sockets? Can you not stab him in the eye? How about if you don't hit him in the head with that. Maybe you shouldn't be 

chasing her with that. Can you not bug the shit out of me? Can you not give me a panic attack? Can you not shriek in my ear? How about 

if you don't give me a headache today. You probably shouldn't be running with that.

november 29 2010
Do ppl expect what they want or want what they expect? 
"I dont think u guys should break up. Ur too old." 
"Its nobodys fault." 
"They should have the choice whether to embrace or disown their geneticmaterial. I wanted to know my genetic material and i chose to 
dismiss it. A sperm does not make a father. Everybody always says that." 
Its so freaky. An mgmt song was on at the credits of 'the kids r alright.' would anyone want to risk being a sperm/egg donor? What if 
soomeday your kid finds u and is like 'hey i need another parental figure' and your like 'hey sorry i cant be that' or your like 
'hey sorry i would love to be that but i would never have the right to call myself ur parent cuz i wasnt there at all for any of ur 
childhood' 

Here's why i think i'll always be single. I can't even decide on my sexual  orientation. I cant stand men or women. Well when im around women too much for too long then im convinced imstraight and when im 
around men too much for too long then im convinced im gay. I cant stand either of them for too long. So my whole life ill b single or 
ill have a bf and a gf or ill b a polygamist or ill have a bf and gf and i guess i would have to b ok w them having other bfs and 
gfs.... Its like theres no middle ground. U have to either be a real parent and go thru the torture of it or not b a parent and 
never know what it was like and never know if u could have made another Life in this world and known whether u could have done something good for this 
world and for the life u created, if u made/introduced somethg good for/to either/both of them. Ultimately u have to 
decide whether or not life is a good thing. No? U dont know? Ur getting old tho. R u going to reproduce or not? If u dont then 
thats like saying u think life is a bad thing. R u saying life is a bad thing? Well then what r u doing here? What a miserable way 
to live. Life involves so much sitting around. Oh and if u donate an egg/sperm someday ur kid might call u. Ur kid might call u . Then u have choice: u can either b a jackass and say 'no i 
wont b in ur life' or u can b a bigger jackass and b like 'ok ill b in ur life and try to act like the parent i never was even tho 
thats impossible cuz i wasnt ther for ur whole childhood.'  

That movie was so freaky bc i was realizing julianne moores character was  reminding me of kat right before she said she went into architecture. Also before it was discovered thay she was one of those women who 
claimed to b gay but still craved cock. And also it was an mgmt song at the credits, right after the 2 moms were dropping their 
daughter off at college and kat like represents one of my introductions into college culture and mgmt represents that too and kat liked 
mgmt, and also mgmt was part of how me & sean bonded (and he's the one who made me realize i like women as much as men, and the movie was about 
lesbians) and he had just been in high school and i was in college and joni was in 
high school and then college and mgmt was at the credits (right as joni was starting college and the movie was ending) so its like ...... i dunno. 
it just ties things together.

Its pretty funny. I sent a text to my old boss that he didnt understand, i think  there were too many big words in it or something. He called me saying "what the fuck did that txt message mean?" and the first 
smart ass response/comeback that came to my head was one that i learned while working for him, from watching a jay and silent bob 
movie: "i dont think i could explain monosylibically enough for you to b able to understand." 

idea: 'I thought i would put this as a status update, but then later thought better of 
it' blog. U know what would b awesome is if i could just stop being so self conscious about how i looka d sound to ppl and 
then i might b a pretty good musician. U know what, what if smokers are all just ppl who could never decide whether their 
presence on the earth was a good thing or bad thing, and they could never decide whether or not to b religious? Ordered 5 3r 
needles, 5 5r needles, 5 7mags and 5 9mags. Thats at least 10 tattoos. Still deciding whether or not tattooing is for me. 
Whether its for me or not, at least for right now, i guess depends on whether, Or how fast, or if, i get 10 paying ppl to 
claim those needles (after all the most important lesson i learned from my apprenticeship is that needles and ink do expire). 
Maybe i shouldnt put that as a status, that would prob scare ppl. It does scare me a bit that i didnt figure that out earlier. 

Being a gay parent is so contradictory. U reject the route of making children but u accept children. Any children of gay parents 
r bound to feel somewhat of a degree of confusion. Oh shit i just sounded so republican. I better not repeat that statement in 
public ever. The hardly boys r so funny. The peta episode of south park is so funny. 

Sex is like a release, or a break, from life. Its so senseless and reckless and  instinctual like that. But yet u r promoting and prolonging life (potentially) by doing it. Its so contradictory. Oh how it 
contradicts itself. 

Merged onto a highway 1st time w/o panicking, 24th birthday. I dont know why stupid lil inconsequential 
regularities give me comfort: parking in the same parking spot at the gym as always, using the same locker as
always, using the same treadmill as always....stupid little things...

lisbeth salander is my new hero. Like me in so many ways. "u know so much about me but i 
know nothing about u" says the aspie girl's lover to her. she says "that's how it is." reminds me of shy saying
to me "i'm trying to get to know you. i don't know you for shit."

why are there so many laws about putting your name on someone else's work but no laws about putting someone else's name on your work? if someone could make a work of art anonymously and not put their name on it but still somehow make it publicly known, they could get away with so much plagiarism.  they could associate certain songs with certain movies or celebrities, they could do whatever they want. i love the show boardwalk empire. i'm so horny for sean (mcandrew).  ....dear underwear bomber: thank you for ruining plane travel for everyone else.  there's something i want to ask shy: i know you and i didn't click because of your whole macho man complex, but, say if i wanted to work at another tattoo place where the owner doesn't have a complex like that.... would you write me a letter of recommendation?  ...i'm sooooooo horny for sean goddamnit

november 30 2010
i kinda realized something recently: shy fired me because he knew i wanted to leave. he knew it before i even
knew it. he just could tell, and he knows i have trouble putting things in words and admitting things to people, 
admitting things to myself, admitting my own emotions to myself. he knew i wanted to leave, and he knew it before
i knew it. that's why he fired me, so i wouldn't have to quit.