sept 19

There were 2 dead baby rats in the chickens' water tonight. Me & mom & the boys  buried them in the backyard. The driveway got redone. it feels soooooo smooth driving on it, it's freaky.

in the nine years i've lived here the driveway has never felt like that.

the other day jamie caught a baby squirrel but i got him away from her before she got a chance to hurt
 him and i got to hold him and then let him go and he was sooooo cute. Today it occured to  me that i learned the fun pastime of throwing bugs into spiders' webs from uncle tim. it seems as though
he was good for something after all. The other day alana was telling me that mommy and daddy (ray and 
darya) were hitting each other. It turns out that that was an exaggerated version of a less disturbing story that darya then explained, 
but darya was upset that alana would say that. She told alana to repeat it to ray, to see how he would react, and see if maybe he 
would have a solution to the problem of alana saying/thinking that. So alana went up to him and said it:"mommy and daddy were hitting 
each other." ray was only half paying attention. 
He was on the phone with someone. He heard what alana said and he giggled and said said "oh yeah? Mommy and daddy hit on each 
other? Hehehehehe yea." 

.....the other day i was talking to shane about my relationship with Mary J. I told him ppl go thru their 
lives looking for true love but i already found mine and it's Mary J. I dont think i realized that was true till i said it to him right 
then. "i'm sorry i dont speak hippie." he said that to me the other day as i was trying to talk. Haha. Josh told me the thinks i can 
pick up on ppl's energies. He told me how he's into buddhism. Whenever mom gets drunk she keeps bringing up the fact that i 
still dont have kids. When will she get it? I'm just Not the parenting type. Oh last week or 2 weeks ago or whatever i ate out a girl 
for the first time ever. Shy's wife kelly. Did i already write about that? I guess i just wanna make sure i record it somewhere. 
It's important. It's exciting. It's a big landmark. First time ever eating out a girl. The other night i had this most fuckin 
fabulous fun flying dream. 

Ben told me i was mater. Well he told me if we were playing cars then he would b  chick hicks and dad would b the police car and mom would b lightning mcqueen and peter would b the king and i would be mater. When 
we buried those baby rats tonight and had like a little ceremonial burial type thing, ben & peter told the little rats that they 
hope they come back to life. I'm going to see sean c. tomorrow. Me & mom & dad are going to see chelsea in callie in december.  


.....the more i think about it the more i think the signs were all there. I guess the thought didnt really cross my mind, until 
the other day, that racism and anti-semitism still exist in today's world. There's real ppl out there like that. And they're more 
common than i used to think. Some kid came in the tat shop last 
month or so and said he wanted hitler on his thigh. Shane said he wouldnt do it cuz it was a stupid idea. Anyway, the signs. 
He had at least one friend who acted like a neo nazi. he was from some hick middle-of-nowhere town in northeast pa or north 
central pa. Him and his friends/roommates, who all came from the same hometown, well they just never talked that much. They 
seemed like they were hiding somethg. They always stuck close Wow man. Wow. This whole time. Never even stopped to consider maybe 
someone i know might secretly be a neo nazi.