playing dead

sean's facebook post. ben bugs me. the bribery of mother nature, misty nights. the possum. the pig. the bat. tommy. josh. shy. pig skin. being around old feeble and decrepit people reminds me that i'll be like that someday. it makes me want to live it up and use my body for all it's good for, while it's still good for anything. so basically being around old people can generally remind me of how happy i am to have a sex life. ironically enough they're the ones trying to impart the message that you shouldn't have a sex life until you're married, and, uh, i most likely won't ever be. do people who believe in reincarnation believe that tattooing and piercing animals isn't animal cruelty? these past few days off and on i've been trying to have ideas for writing poetry. i've been unsuccessful. maybe there's just nothing i want to write about badly enough.

last night there was a possum laying on the side of the road. out of the corner of my eye i saw him move, then when i got closer and focused on him he was still and he was playing dead. i started petting him. he let me keep going for a minute or so before he finally got up and ran away.

the dormouse wondered if it were possible, or right, to grow such an attachment to two beings at once. the mad hatter and the march hare, though, seemed to hold no resentment or jealousy between them at all (as far as the dormouse could see); the three of them just simply and thoroughly enjoyed each other's company.

"twisted pleasure" feels absolutely no different than anything else.

don't hate on gay people. they can't get accidentally pregnant. amen to that. accidental babies shouldn't have to go through the torture of being born. i think i would know. something occurs to me: women who have abortions--a lot of them most likely were accidental babies themselves. they know what it's like. they don't want to bring that torture onto someone else.

i keep thinking of fantasia the movie. it's been too long since i've seen it.

amanda j. and christopher c. are now in a relationship as of today. sean c. wrote as his status:

it's all a waste of time again

she used to mow the lawn

she always wasted everyone

she always turned me on

there was some kind of little pig in the woods when i was on a walk on wilkinson road tonight. it was either a wild one or an escaped one. i would guess it was an escaped one from ross mill pig farm. it was running and squealing.

we only have three chickens left. the last one that died, was eaten by a hawk. damn fuckin hawks. it's illegal to kill them too cuz they're endangered or something. i want to post something on facebook saying "anyone have a fertile rooster we can borrow? we'll give him right back i promise. all in one piece. after he's served his purpose we'll give him right back. isn't that always the way of things. haaaaaaa"

today i paid eighty dollars for vinny's vet visit. i have to give him this medicine orally twice a day now cuz of some kind of skin infection, and give him a bath with the special shampoo once a week for two or three weeks.

i need more tattoo practice. if not on people then on pig skin. all day today off and on i've been thinking about it. fuckin tommy never showed up for his fuckin appointment with me to get his tattoo touched up. anyway.....pig skin. keep thinking of how to get some without having to buy it and spend my own money on it. i guess when family starts asking me what i want for christmas i'll tell them i want a dead pig.

last time i had a threesome with shy and kelley i was reluctant at first bc after the second time kelley texted me saying "is it bad that i wanted it to be just me and you?" which made me think maybe a threesome shouldn't happen again if she wants it to be just me and her, what if she tries to leave shy out of it and he gets all pissed off then everything's just all fucked up and complicated. anyway to put it shortly, i was hesitant, they assured me nobody's getting upset, and then we just did our little threesome thing and i think this time was the best time so far. kelley spanked me (cuz i kind of requested it). shy fucked me doggie style (and without a condom, which i didn't realize till later. i also figured out lated that that must have been the reason why it felt so good that time and i don't remember it feeling so good before. wow i guess it does make a difference for me as far as pleasure goes, whether or not there's a condom)

bla

*here's some henna tattoos i did on my friends' arms

*here's something i made

*here's some pictures from visiting sam and lindsay in virginia.

*here's something i made

*here's the tattoo i did on tommy's (our piercer's) stomach.

*here's the tattoo that dopie did on my foot (for free) just cuz he wanted to tattoo me.

*here's the tattoo i did on darya's foot, of her kids' names making an infinity symbol.

*somehow a fuckable blow-up sheep ended up in the shop one day. here's josh hugging and kissing it. haha i couldn't resist, i took his picture. we later ended up taping the sheep to the ceiling in shy's tattoo station just to see how long it would take him to notice it there.

just noticed Mom has a blogger account too. ooh, i guess it's catching on. well i have a lot to write about. a lot's on my mind. vinny. money. sean c. jon s. shy and kelley. denise and natalie and steve. the taskers. can you make left turns on red in england? why is "somebody" a word but "someperson" is not a word? cody. i'm back in contact with cody. not that i have the extra money to spend on gas to go drive to see him though. shy and kelley accused me of spoiling my brothers. shy says he was offered a chance to have the shop put on a reality show, and he turned down the offer. he said not to tell shane cuz he would have loved the attention. i mentioned not knowing if i ever want to have kids. then i said "right now i feel like, no, i wouldn't. i'm too absent-minded." shy said "yeah you are."

this is the blog where i wanna put my pics from september.

sept 19

There were 2 dead baby rats in the chickens' water tonight. Me & mom & the boys  buried them in the backyard. The driveway got redone. it feels soooooo smooth driving on it, it's freaky.

in the nine years i've lived here the driveway has never felt like that.

the other day jamie caught a baby squirrel but i got him away from her before she got a chance to hurt
 him and i got to hold him and then let him go and he was sooooo cute. Today it occured to  me that i learned the fun pastime of throwing bugs into spiders' webs from uncle tim. it seems as though
he was good for something after all. The other day alana was telling me that mommy and daddy (ray and 
darya) were hitting each other. It turns out that that was an exaggerated version of a less disturbing story that darya then explained, 
but darya was upset that alana would say that. She told alana to repeat it to ray, to see how he would react, and see if maybe he 
would have a solution to the problem of alana saying/thinking that. So alana went up to him and said it:"mommy and daddy were hitting 
each other." ray was only half paying attention. 
He was on the phone with someone. He heard what alana said and he giggled and said said "oh yeah? Mommy and daddy hit on each 
other? Hehehehehe yea." 

.....the other day i was talking to shane about my relationship with Mary J. I told him ppl go thru their 
lives looking for true love but i already found mine and it's Mary J. I dont think i realized that was true till i said it to him right 
then. "i'm sorry i dont speak hippie." he said that to me the other day as i was trying to talk. Haha. Josh told me the thinks i can 
pick up on ppl's energies. He told me how he's into buddhism. Whenever mom gets drunk she keeps bringing up the fact that i 
still dont have kids. When will she get it? I'm just Not the parenting type. Oh last week or 2 weeks ago or whatever i ate out a girl 
for the first time ever. Shy's wife kelly. Did i already write about that? I guess i just wanna make sure i record it somewhere. 
It's important. It's exciting. It's a big landmark. First time ever eating out a girl. The other night i had this most fuckin 
fabulous fun flying dream. 

Ben told me i was mater. Well he told me if we were playing cars then he would b  chick hicks and dad would b the police car and mom would b lightning mcqueen and peter would b the king and i would be mater. When 
we buried those baby rats tonight and had like a little ceremonial burial type thing, ben & peter told the little rats that they 
hope they come back to life. I'm going to see sean c. tomorrow. Me & mom & dad are going to see chelsea in callie in december.  


.....the more i think about it the more i think the signs were all there. I guess the thought didnt really cross my mind, until 
the other day, that racism and anti-semitism still exist in today's world. There's real ppl out there like that. And they're more 
common than i used to think. Some kid came in the tat shop last 
month or so and said he wanted hitler on his thigh. Shane said he wouldnt do it cuz it was a stupid idea. Anyway, the signs. 
He had at least one friend who acted like a neo nazi. he was from some hick middle-of-nowhere town in northeast pa or north 
central pa. Him and his friends/roommates, who all came from the same hometown, well they just never talked that much. They 
seemed like they were hiding somethg. They always stuck close Wow man. Wow. This whole time. Never even stopped to consider maybe 
someone i know might secretly be a neo nazi.

sept 10

"earth people around the circle." i texted that to myself for some reason. i guess i wanted myself to remember that. i don't know what it means now though.

here's a bunch of musicians and song titles i texted to myself cuz i wanted to remember them or something i guess:

How does it feel to treat me like you do, garbage stupid girl, beck where it's  at, cake, seven nation army, lake of fire, the ting

tings, beautiful dirty rich, is this love that im feeling, friends in low  places, garden grove, fiona apple, black hole sun, white
wedding, mr. Charlie, red house over yonder, kimya dawson, sinatra, elvis,  beatles
Queen, blink, guns n roses
Soundgarden rusted cage, weezer big something, porno for pyros pets, new kings  of rhythm, lincoln commercial, e trade commercial
Zeppelin song title w the double e in it, black keys, air, janes addiction,  jonny mcgovern, gorillaz, runaway train, u r the only
exception, temple of the dog, the specials, tim armstrong, i shot the sheriff,  burning spear, new kings of rhythm, black uhuru,
matisyahu, moby, r.e.m. Orange crush, dropkick murphys
He called me babe one eskimo
Fuck everybody, greatest black man alive
hum, stars
Teach me how to dug/duck, soul coughing
Cult of personality, baby it aint over til its over, alice in chains i stay  away, princeton radio
Edwyn collins a girl like you
Placebo, pure morning
Rage against the machine, nirvana my girl dont lie to me, david bowie cover song
He didnt know that every dog has his day

sept 6

Mom & dad are fighting. Ben & peter wanna go to giggleberry fair. It's  disgustingly hot today. Mom & dad are questioning darya's parenting methods more and more these days. So am i though. I hooked up w justin 
and it wasnt that great. Maybe ill start calling him dopie like everyone else does now. This guy named lou is interested in me. I 
dont think im into him like that tho 
I got some kind of weird rash like poison ivy or something on my face.  Maybe wicket had the plant oils on him when i pet him & let him lick my face. We drove by 
giggleberry fair and ever since then the boys were bugging mom & dad about it. Peter asked "what ride can i ride" and mom said 
"your gonna be riding my hand on your ass" and peter said "no" and mom said "then knock it off". There are only 4 chickens left now. One 
died and a turkey vulture ripped open its body and it was filled w eggs, as if there was some kind of blockage and she couldnt lay 
them

late aug

 The Guide to AS says having a job can feel like working two jobs at once. sometimes i suspect that maybe vegans 

poop less than other people. lately i've been keeping track of the phases of the moon. it was a full moon, hangin out
with lindsay and sam. it was a waning moon gettin with shy and kelley.

such a beautiful man

leo di caprio is such a beautiful man. i can't stand it.

when you are the plaything of a married couple, are you supposed to remain faithful to them?

it was the spring of 09. almost every night the four of us would pass it around, inhale, and our differences would evaporate into thin air. it was such a beautiful thing. it was inevitable that eventually it would have to come to an end. one or more of us, for financial or career-related reasons, would have to stop, and then everything would be ruined

extra ribs

last night i was out jogging. last night i was out jogging and thinking about me & kelley & shy. i'm worried. i'm worried that i overstepped a boundary. i'm worried for the sake of my apprenticeship. however i know that if i keep enough of a distance between me & kelley then things should be fine. or maybe it doesn't even have to be a distance but if she ever wants to hang out i have to tell her that we can't talk about shy. the less i know about his personal life, the better. that way in my eyes he is purely the tattoo master and my mentor that i look up to. that way i can continue being his devoted apprentice.

the ultimate mind-boggling paradox: the more you learn about life, the more you realize that in the grand scheme of things you really know nothing.

august 15 i sent myself a text reminding me that that day was somehow really connected to penguins. however i forget all the ways. i just remember that darya brought up penguins in a conversation. she was saying that alana is as big as an emperor penguin. also earlier that day at work, we had watched two different movies that had penguins in them at some point: fight club and good luck chuck. also for some reason i had been contemplating getting a penguin tattoo. i also had been contemplating getting an otter though.

when the thought of cops suddenly pops up in your head and you get all paranoid and make sure you're not speeding and not breaking any traffic laws and then realize there is a cop car in viewing distance from you....you may wonder whether you have psychic abilities or whether it was just a coincidence.

things i texted myself:

aug 26:

Ray says being around me is like being on lsd. Shy looks hot esp. W his long  hair and esp. W his hair down. How does kelly have such a flat belly? She had twins. 2 nights ago i had a dream that i randomly 

decided to tat my face like mike tyson's then i did just 2 lines (around my eye) and i was like "what the fuck, i dont like this. 

What was i thinking?" and then i was soooooooo happy and relieved when i woke up

aug 30:

When i was visiting lindsay in virginia i saw a kind of bug i never saw before.  It landed on my phone. It looked just like a mosquito but it was black w white spots & stripes. While i was driving down 
there i saw this sign by the road that said "aggressive driver imaging for your safety." i wondered, and still wonder, what it means. 
Last night as i was on a jog i saw this little mole on the ground....not the kind that just looks like a mouse w no eyes but the 
kind that looks like the kind u see in cartoons w the big front digging claws and all. There must have been something wrong w his back 
or his hind leg bc he was just laying there on his back, struggling and wiggling like he was trying to get up & walk and he couldnt. 
i knew he was injured so i took him back to Pinky and Buffy (i was at Nana's house) thinking they could give him a quick and painless death.  
i thought "yeah, sure, Pinky's old and Buffy's fat, but, still...they're cats.  if they see a wiggling struggling furry little rodent on the 
ground they will find it to be irresistable." however i was wrong. i placed the mole before them and they just stared at it like "what is this 
thing doing here? shouldn't it be outside?" .....how pathetic.

one in twenty people has an extra rib. i read it on the back of a cereal box.

i got back in touch with cody. he's going to bloomsburg. i want to see him.

Nana told me about Noah, and how he sees pictures of Ben & Peter and he wants to meet them.

i told Justin how i feel. he feels the same. next time he saw Rachel he was cold to her, 
as if he was thinking "Rachel i was only using you to lure Liz home with me. now i have 
her. you are no longer of use to me." but i really hope there's no hard feelings there cuz 
she's still friends with Tiffany so i think i'll still have to see her sometimes....