shy and kelly

so many things to write about right now. seeing lindsay and sam in virginia. gram and her alzheimers. having a threesome with my boss and his wife. ray telling me that being around me is like being on LSD. singing karaoke to "short skirt long jacket" by cake. the pool party. or did i already write about that? the fact that i can still remember jump-roping and pattycake (if that's the right word) songs from kindergarten. the painting at the old beach house, of a man in a rowboat (and i think he had a kid in the boat with him but i'm not positive but i think it was a little girl). a long expanse of ocean and rain in the background. for some reason that painting was always comforting to me. i don't know exactly why. justin not liking nirvana. having a threesome with shy and his wife kelly. haha. that was pretty damn fun. tiffany telling me she needs a pussy sandwich. seeing that guy chuck kurner at a bar; he was a guy who i went to high school with. the other night i had a dream that i suddenly spontaneously decided to tattoo my face like mike tyson's. i got done with two lines of it (around my eye) and then was like "wait a minute, i don't like this idea. what the fuck was i thinking?" then i was soooooo fuckin happy and relieved when i woke up. as of two days ago i'm a month drug free. such a record for me. right now i feel like my life is just really good (not because of being drug free...my life being good was just my next thought). frances bean cobain is now eighteen years old. weezer is supposedly going on tour. i think i should sing weezer next time i do karaoke. or i should do "friends in low places." haha. that's a good song. yesterday i tried to make it very clear, as clear as i could, to justin, that i like him. i just feel like i've been sending him mixed signals and confusing him so i made an effort to be more clear this time. i sat down next to him and wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my head on his chest. i said "is this allowed?" and he said "sure." i said "can i just stay like this?" and he'd been in the middle of talking to some guy there who must have been a friend of his that i hadn't met before and he said to him "this is lizard, she's our little hippie, so she enjoys hugs." then i said "plus i'm just...into you." then there was just a bit of a silence then i think they went on talking about something else and then a minute later i released his neck from my arms and looked at his face and it was all red. ......then later that night i thought it might have been more likely than not that he'd try to hang out with me or put moves on me but he didn't, and i just ended up staying at shy and kelly's house. haha.