old emails to myself

"mushroom species"


psilocybe azurescens
psilocybe bohemica

gymnopilus luteofoleus
gymnopilus spectabilis
panaeolus bispora
panaeolus cambodgeniensis
panaeolus campanulatus
panaeolus cyanescens
panaeolus subbalteatus
panaeolus tropicalis
psilocybe arcana
psilocybe atlantis
psilocybe australiana
psilocybe aztecorum


"no subject" from november 2009
a conversation w sean m

Msg: Lizzzz. Let me see you:-)Msg: See me doin whatMsg: Givin me those sexy eyes topless outsideMsg: Ok hold onMsg: Mmm kMsg: How's it going lizMsg: I started puttin my shoes on to go outside and my aunt & mom were like
'where u goin' i said 'takin up the trash cans' and they were like 'then while your out there take this water & bread & go find the chickens and round them up and put them in the coop and b quick about it'......theyre such a painMsg: Ha ha ha.. So what u doin nowMsg: Mmm lizardd is that a hot pic... Damn babyyy. I love u outdoors... Does ur
phone camMsg: Baby can u take some around the chicken pen and such... All around ur cool
propertyMsg: Ur tits look so cute.. Ya wearin make up ?Msg: Im glad u think so :)...yeaMsg: Im sry i cant ne more right now my fam is all up my ass buggin meMsg: Ya i am, to camouflage this cold sore i have right now

conversations w sean from over the winter

Sent: Nov 28 12:57am
Msg: How ya doin lizMsg: Ok. How about you? Ive talked and talked and talked about my life i still
know next to nothing about yours right nowMsg: Well pretty much I am tired and such.. Have work in the morning. And I am
currently eating pizza.. What are you doinMsg: Liz ard.. Are u in something comfortableMsg: Triipping slightly. Drunk slightly. Watching "still waiting"Msg: Ur probably feelin good right now.. I was just watchin that.. Ya alone ?Msg: No but i could beMsg: Mmm maybe u should bMsg: Have u ever done sexual stuff tripping ?Msg: Mmm a little bit.. Have u lizMsg: The fibers in the carpet are sexy smiling dancing cartoony
girls.......really what was that like....no i haventMsg: Mmm felt good.. Kinda lose urself in the feelin... Its awesome bein nude
while trippin.. Ha that's awesome.Msg: Ha yea isnt it....far outMsg: Are you nude now lizMsg: I just tried calling uMsg: Sorry. I can't talk right now... Are ya ok tho... Wat ya doinMsg: This carpet keeps moving. It takes so much longer to type than talk. I keep wondering what your doing thats preventing you from talking. Thats what im
doingMsg: Lizzz ardddMsg: Mmm u must b in another world... Must have started touchin urselfMsg: LizzzzMsg: I wish I knew what u were up toMsg: Lil b I t c hSent: Nov 28 2:05pm
Msg: What? Your the one who wont answer your phone when i call you.Msg: Yup.... Bc I couldnt.. U do it just to b a bitch... Good workMsg: How was ur trip. Did u get nudeMsg: Mhmm how was ur man last nightMsg: WHY couldnt uMsg: No i went to sleepMsg: U tell me. How were youMsg: No u didnt... U went to sleep trippin ? I'm not gonna b ur man much longrr
if u keep treatin me like thisMsg: Yea....is that not supposed to b possible? I know on acid its not. Treating
u like what? Wanting to know y u wont talk to me?Msg: I couldn't talk bc I was upstairs .. Close to ppls rooms and didn't want to
wake them... Why couldn't u answer after that ? Bc u had to throw a hissy fitMsg: Y couldnt u have just explained that then? Then i would have understood.
Then i wouldnt have felt the need to throw a 'hissy fit'Msg: Bc u didn't fuckin answerrr... Bc u were being all emotional... U had to b
o so tough for no reaon... So stop treatin me like that lizMsg: I said "i keep wondering what your doing thats preventing u from talking"
meaning i wanted to know y u couldnt talk, then u didnt answer. U just changed the subjectMsg: Mhm k liz.. U could have answered me and u didnt.. Not cool.. N u don't
even want to make it up to me
Sent: Dec 5 3:51am
Msg: What ya doinSent: Dec 5 5:25pm
Msg: Sean, this thing with you and me...it means more to me than it does to you.
I can just tell. Thats why i dont think its bound to last. I need to get over you.Msg: I mean doing anything other than that would be dangerous. I might let
myself fall in love with you...thats a recipe for disasterSent: Dec 6 12:52pm
Msg: Hi lizzzMsg: What are you doing todayMsg: I'm comin overMsg: Oh i'm workingMsg: Til 8Msg: Mm lizzard. That's no fun babe.. When u startMsg: 11Msg: Ya busy booMsg: KindaMsg: Mmm babe... Have nt seen ya.. Miss u .. Msg: Your sweet . . . . . . I still have to get over uMsg: Well can we still hang out... Msg: I like uMsg: Lizardd... When u takin ur breakMsg: Yea sureMsg: 230 to 330 or somethin like thatMsg: Want to playMsg: Liz baby wats on under ur uniformMsg: I need to resist youMsg: Mmm no don't dare lizz.. Wats underMsg: Part of resisting you is not sharing that informationMsg: Gonna make me find out the hard way ? I just found a video of u rubbinMsg: I dont know how to answer that
Msg: Which partMsg: The first part. The second part doesnt seem to need a responseMsg: Mm it was the nine second one... It worked baby... Let's hang out some lizMsg: You're only sweet to me when i try to push you away. I'm not falling for
it anymore. I can't anymore. I need to look out for myself.Msg: Lizz... Let me see uMsg: NoSent: Dec 8 3:58am
Msg: Hi lizMsg: Hi seanMsg: What ya up to late night friendMsg: Just finished getting ready for bed late night friendMsg: Ha ha ur cute. Wat were u doin to get ready Msg: Brushing teeth & taking medsMsg: Do u change for bed lizMsg: YesMsg: O.. Into wat lizMsg: Lizard baby can we have fun one more timeMsg: Mmm lizzSent: Dec 13 2:58am
Msg: Hi hoMsg: HeyMsg: Wat ya up toMsg: About to clean the rats' cage. What u doinMsg: Just hangin out at my friends.. Ur up late.. Cleanin a cage huh ? What ya
in Msg: What m i in? Pj pants & t shirtMsg: Thats cute. Whats under lizMsg: Mind your own businessMsg: Lizard.. May i come overMsg: Depends on what u wanna do over hereMsg: Well... Whats allowed mommyMsg: Um nothing sexual can go onMsg: A little touchin.. Massage ?Msg: I said i have to get over u remember?Msg: Babe y tho. We enjoy each otherMsg: It means more to me than it does to you
Msg: Ya but before it was the oppositeMsg: When?Msg: When u turned me down for the other dudeMsg: Look the fact is you'll never love me and i'll never be able to stop myself
from wanting loveMsg: LizzzMsg: WhatMsg: Make passinate loveMsg: Let me see uMsg: What? Who's making passionate love?Msg: Im not stopping u from seeing meMsg: We should. Baby let me see u bein sexyMsg: Baby i miss uMsg: It's always going to feel like there's something lacking. Something
missing. And lately i dont think i'm into guys anymoreMsg: ... Girls ?Msg: No. I'm not into anyone. I'm into being alone and finding some peace.Msg: Ur greatSent: Dec 13 7:12am
Msg: Lizard doll(((Msg: and then he called me on the phone when i was already in bed. I answered
half asleep. The phonecall didnt last long. It was a bad connection and we just hung up. For the rest of this text convo i was still half asleep and at that point i was just sick of arguing and was about to give in and just let him come over)))Msg: Could u hear meMsg: Yea but barely...and some kind of buzzingMsg: Can u go online n chat with me babesMsg: Maybe we can go on camMsg: My comp doesnt have a camMsg: Y dont u just come overMsg: ... U can watch me if u would like
Msg: Mm may i.. ? U can watch me on cam if u like...Msg: I'd rather if u just came over...i dunno if that'll even workMsg: I cant right now babe. Im home.. Just go online n try.. Lets play tom
Msg: I have to wake up in an hour and a halfMsg: Mm liz baby.. Let me see u please.. Get me all ready for tomMsg: ZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzMsg: Im gonna call u.. I need to hear ur voice.. Will u play for a few sexyMsg: Send me one hott pic liz
Sent: Jan 1 6:28pm
Msg: How are your men doinMsg: My men? Ha, what am i, an army commander?Msg: Ya. . A cock commander. How are your dicks commanderMsg: What ya baby sitting inMsg: Umm i havent had access to any dicks since octoberMsg: Hows all your poontang doinMsg: Jeans & sweaterMsg: Good. . Its some nice pussy. I think you would like it. . . O liz mine was
all yoursMsg: What kind of sweaterMsg: Well i sort of have a gf nowMsg: A blue oneMsg: Oh ya ? How do you sort of . . Who is she. . Is it tight blueMsg: I dont wanna answer questions anymoreMsg: Whats your condition againMsg: You cant process things quickly or something ? . . Have you seen her pussyMsg: Come on liz. . Be real. . Not your fake youMsg: I'm being real. I'm over this whole thing with me and you. It's given me
more stress than pleasure. I dont want to talk about these kinds of things with you anymore. I just want to drop it.Msg: I asking you whats your condition. It would be easier to explain things if
you didnt make shit up. . So whats wrong with youMsg: Its called asperger syndromeMsg: Explain what thingsMsg: Like autism ?Msg: You really have a girl friend all of the sudden ? . . Msg: A mild form of autismMsg: No i dont, i said that to get u to leave me alone bc i dont feel the same
way about u anymore. The fear of emotional pain overpowers the lustMsg: What pain . . Your the one who turned me down. . You have a bad memory. .
You did that, not meMsg: Right liz. . You hurt meMsg: Ok well u dont like to spend time with me unless i'm being bad 4 u. That
hurtsMsg: Not true. We have had fun just smokin and talking. . . I thoughtMsg: I think that was just a couple timesMsg: Look i'm sorry if i hurt you. I really didnt want to. I just cant help it.
I dont see guys the same way anymore. I dont trust them. I fear them.Msg: So it was not worth it liz ? You know. That feeling every time we get at
lawrenceMsg: Because of acid boy ?Msg: I'm sorry. I really am. I can't help how i feel. Please don't guilt trip
me.Msg: Yes bc of acid boyMsg: Well i mean. . Thats not my fault. . Thats his fault. . . You blame it all
on meMsg: Well a while ago when i texted u "try texting me at a time when im awake"
then u just said "your nuts" and i said "y" and u never answered. I thought that was you breaking things off with me right then & thereMsg: And i'm not blamin anything on anyone. Theres been a mental change in me
that i dont control Msg: Whats your mental state. . And does it happen a lotMsg: Im talkin about the way i see guys. Look Sean why dont u pretend your the
one who wanted to break things off with me. Then you'll be absolutely fine with it. U just want control. What can i say to make u want to end it? Guess what i'm madly deeply in love with you, i want to spend the
rest of my life with you. Will u marry me? Will u be my husband? Can i have your babies?Msg: Ya please. Lets eff nasty. . . And send me nude photos nowMsg: UnbelievableSent: Jan 1 9:15pm
Msg: Lets see and i won t talk to you anymoreSent: Jan 1 9:49pm
Msg: Liz babe. . Would you like a girl friendMsg: I dont know. I think so. YMsg: I have a girl you may be intoMsg: WhoMsg: One of my friends. . Could you be into pussyMsg: Why would u want to set me up w someoneMsg: Because you seem un happy. . Are you actual into girls. . I dont see itMsg: I'm always changing my mind about it. I have to be alone for a while to
know what i want, i think.Msg: Have you ever experienced one ?
Sent: Jan 2 3:22am
Msg: Why do you hate meMsg: What? Y would u say that? U really think that?Msg: Yes i do
Sent: Jan 2 3:38pm
Msg: If i hated u i wouldnt still be talking to u. What did i do to make u think
that? I dont hate u, i'm scared of getting attached to u bc every time i do, u get more distant & u back off.Msg: Because of what happened last time. . . I really liked you missMsg: What happened last time with what. You said you only liked me as a friend.
Remember?Msg: No i said i couldn t get serious. . But i do really like youMsg: Liz you make me smile when we talk and you turn me on more then anyone else
when your badMsg: well what does "get serious" meanMsg: Thats touchingMsg: Whats touchin. . Liz ?Msg: What does get serious meanMsg: Boy friend girl friendMsg: Well then whats the point of this whole discussion? Why were you so hurt
over that other guy if u never wanted to get serious anyway? U dont make any sense


links to cool artwork, tim burton

http://www.cinematical.com/photos/tim-burtons-moma-exhibition-0/2459803/
http://www.cinematical.com/photos/tim-burtons-moma-exhibition-0/2459818/
.AOLWebSuite .AOLPicturesFullSizeLink { height: 1px; width: 1px; overflow: hidden; } .AOLWebSuite a {color:blue; text-decoration: underline; cursor: pointer} .AOLWebSuite a.hsSig {cursor: default}


old journal entry from sept 09

Now that I've been drinking good coffee all summer, I can't bear to try to stomach this "coffee" they have in the cafeteria. It's sooooooo disgusting. I've been getting coffee from Einstein (bagel) lately. Why do I have a cut on my lip? My tattoo gun sputtered out on me. Jenn's grandparents took both of us out to dinner yesterday. It was so sweet. I saw Kathleen & Kim last night. They were partying with a bunch of youngsters. I saw Tobin too. Chelsea's in Santa Monica. I'm fed up with Sean and not talking to him now but I still want him really really bad when I get horny. Tug tried hooking up with me a couple weeks ago and I told him I'm not into him like that anymore but now I think I am again, and now I just haven't been able to get ahold of him to tell/show him that. I only finished a part of a fish's head on Lindsay's back before my equipment failed me. My new friend John wants to do the WWOOF program with me. He says hugging bud plants helps them grow. Shit man I really need to pick up some bud dammit. Jenn's grandmother wants me to do a painting for her. Lindsay is sick. I saw a bunch of good-looking dirt-cheap cars, somewhere close to here. Erich is such a pathetic loser (as I've thought for a long time). Almost a year ago DQ asked me, "If Erich and Sean were both drowning and

another

the cold always makes my nose run. whenever i'm outside in the winter, i'm constantly wiping my nose. it's started happening already and it's only september. i went walking in the cold september rain and when i got home my hands were numb with cold--almost too numb to turn the knobs in the shower and turn the water on. my body is not built for the cold. i'm not programmed or equipped to handle it, and so i can't. i'm a crippled booger-face who can't even turn shower knobs.
.AOLWebSuite .AOLPicturesFullSizeLink { height: 1px; width: 1px; overflow: hidden; } .AOLWebSuite a {color:blue; text-decoration: underline; cursor: pointer} .AOLWebSuite a.hsSig {cursor: default}

damn sexy obnoxious birds racing with dreams

last night i decided that one of my life goals is to have my own personal aviary so i can have pet birds and not feel guilty for putting a bird in a cage--cuz they won't be in a cage, they'll be in an aviary. last night as i was walking up the driveway after just having finished putting the trash cans out at the curb, it felt like my knee hit something that felt like a paddle ball, but then i looked down and nothing was there. the new alice in wonderland wears some damn sexy dresses doesn't she?

last night mom was telling me about drunk obnoxious tropical birds on some exotic island: birds that go around mocking people to their faces and have "ruined" at least one couple's honeymoon as they were vacationing on that island.

last night i told darya that i sleep more than your average person and she said "i know. thats cuz your a genius. your mind is always racing. you need a lot of rest. cuz even when your resting your still not totally resting, your mind is racing with dreams."

possum crossing

This huge possum crossed my path thursday night. For a while he just sort of
sat & stared, just a few feet away from me. He didnt run away until i started to approach

I guess the issue is, sean m wants to plan ahead if we get together. Or the
issue is the car that will be "mine" isnt fixed therefore i would have to use my parents car therefore i would have to say "hey can i take the car to go see sean m." and i don't want to tell my mom that i want to see sean m. again. And, u know, im not gonna lie
about where im going cuz thatll just make me forever paranoid of being caught in the lie. so thats why i still havent gotten together w him. maybe if he was the kind of guy that i would wanna tell my mom that i wanna go see, then i'd go see him. So if he wants to
bitch at me about not going to see him then he can get on the phone w my mom and try to convince her he's worthy. not that he has bitched at me. he hasn't. he just would rather have some kind of intimacy whether technological or physical. I think i would want to have either something physical or nothing. So its either nothing happens, or he tries to win over my mom, or i go see him when the honda's fixed.

Msg: (1/6) So apparently i didnt tell malcolm and sara about all the ways tim h.
failed as a father--not until 2 days ago anyway. Daquinn is being a total douche. i finally deleted jenn and idaa as friends on fb. i was going to delete D too but then decided i didn't want to til after i get security deposit money from that apt back. Keep wondering if alyssa will still be friends w jenn & idaa after she doesnt have to live w them anymore.

Msg: (5/6) tattoo bomber still never got back to me. I called shy too. Still nothing.
Dont want me anymore i guess. What to do now? Freelance tattooing? Advertise on
Msg: (6/6) craigslist? Ive heard thats at least a semi decent way of making money.
Msg: (1/6) The option of being a stripper is still somewhere in the back of my mind.
Could i actually hack it? Could i deal with the stress of being on a stage and being stared at? before i make any decisions i just want to go to a strip club first as a customer, probably sometime soon, to see what its like. then again if i dont end up going further
Msg: (3/6) down that path then i just blew a bunch of money on a strip club. We'll see
what happens. The honda's supposedly supposed to be fixed hopefully sometime
Msg: (4/6) this week.

Me & sean m? Still lust for each other as much as ever, but he has a stick up his ass about me going to see him w/o "planning ahead" first, which is hard for me to do these days, and he's apparently content just sex-texting. But i'm definitely not. I just want something real
and physical. Though lately watching true blood has got me thinking that maybe i don't really truly understand sex, never have and never will. the ways that people get turned on by torturing each other in that show.....is so beyond me sometimes.

I think sara c. might like me as more than a
friend. Dammit i really miss lindsay s. i wanna go see her. Maybe i will
Msg: (4/6) once the car is fixed. Angie went back to colombia. Well she went back
planning to come back here after 2 weeks even tho she was never even positive
they would give her another working visa. Now supposedly they wont give her one. Me & tug were hangin out w sara & malcolm. Tug was coming on to me a bit. I wonder if he'll ever give up. I just dont think of him like that anymore.

Bellyache from eating too much. Time to go work out soon i think. Dont mind
anymore that amanda's fucking sean c. Actually
right now i would kinda feel bad for anyone who actually has feelings for him bc
he's such a big flirt, to a ridiculous degree, to too many people. amanda can have him. although she does deserve someone better than him though.

Tomorrow night the taskers are coming! They're staying with us for two weeks.
Yaaaaaaaaaaaay! I dont think i'll be complaining about how boring my life is anymore for a while. But dammit i'm horny. I'm horny for sean m. I just want him to live closer. Ha, what would he say if i just demanded to him that he live closer to me?

jason? dunno about him. mixed signals. he's probably just really busy.

shaved theo.

uncle chad supposedly wants a tattoo fourth of july weekend.

this kid jackson smith was flirting w me a bit at kati's party. i only briefly began to start to consider having thoughts of being interested in him too. he's only nineteen after all. then i came back to my senses and sort of blew him off.

notes

tanning beds vitamin d, dizzy tripping, watching two guys, alcohol conspiracy

stoners like rats

looked online yesterday for yahoo groups for rat owners. i found a whole bunch of them, but only two that were affiliated with certain states: northern california rat community and association of colorado rat enthusiasts. hmm. california and colorado. what else do those two states have in common? ;)

sometimes there's trippy dizziness when i stand up. really trippy dizziness. and sometimes there's figures of people or animals coming at me out of the corner of my eye then i look and nothing's there. i guess that's more common though.

the roaming gnome

when i hear a kitten mewing miserably in a way that says "rescue me" then it reminds me of the song "rescue me" by...i dont know who. then that song stays in my head for a while. maybe that song should be on spca commercials or something. "rescue me, oh take me in your arms, rescue me, i want your tender charms...."

i told sean m. i need a break from him. theres just no passion there anymore. the other day we started sex-texting each other and then he started talking about tying me to a tree and whipping me and burning me. that just totally killed the mood. i just answered "ew" and then he tried calling me and i didn't answer, then later he texted me saying he wasn't serious about all that. tried to tell me i don't need to freak out, he wasn't serious, do i want to meet up with him for a hook up? do i want to have a mikes hard lemonade with him? i said "sean thank you but i think i need a break from u and me. im sorry. maybe its just my non horny time of the month." no texts from him since then. when you dont have an emotional connection with someone the sex is just ten times less fun. sometimes not even worth it, not even fun at all. seems to me that's the point that it's gotten to with me & him.

somehow even though its been like eight months, somehow whenever i see or think about sean c. there's still a little bit of the pain of rejection. when will it go away?

oh but i do have another pursuit to think about :), jason l. i'm pretty excited.

oh you should see how the fields and forests glitter and twinkle at dusk, it has to be the most beautiful thing in nature that i've ever seen. i can't even describe or put into words how magical and breathtaking it is.

vegetarian=no meat. vegan=no meat or dairy. no dairy=? what do you call that? lactose intolerant by choice? if theres not a name for it there definitely should be.

the other day mom was reminding me how important it is to wash your pussy. not with regular soap but something very mild like baby soap/shampoo. then she goes on and says "i didn't really learn that until i became a lesbian and found out first hand why that's important." oh wow. mom eating someone out. wow. thats something i never tried to picture before.

you know one thing i like about jason? he's not the kind of guy who just flaps his yap about anything for the sake of there not being silence. he only joins in a conversation if it's a good one.

that kitten we rescued, the gray and white one, she fell asleep on me today :). soooooooooooooo adorable. i swear she's practically a different cat ever since me & mom tried giving her chicken (not cat food chicken but chicken) and holding a piece of it with our lips and having the kitten crawl up on us and take it out of our mouths. really. practically a different cat. so cuddly. just loves to be petted and snuggled.

my phone hasn't been working right ever since i accidentally kicked it down the stairs the other night while i was high. it shuts off every time i try to send a text.

i can understand amanda j.'s appeal to sean c. i guess. she's his age and his size. i remember this one time me & sean were fooling around and about to have sex and he tried to pick me up and it didn't really work. haha. i guess i was too big for him.

today the chicken that mom calls stinkerbell came in the house through the window. she was just on the windowsill though and then i put her back out.

today peter got a hanging bed installed in his room. tonight was the first night i've ever heard him say "ok i think i'm ready to go to bed now." i looked around at mom & dad and said "did everyone else just hear him say that?"

mom says that today she & the boys were at the store picking out father's day presents for dad & tom. there was a little figurine of the travelocity gnome, the roaming gnome, and ben pointed to it and said "pop-pop! that's pop-pop!" so they ended up getting that for him. it's a gnome that records messages or something. mom & ben & peter recorded themselves saying "happy father's day!" and then ben distractedly saying "is that a lollipop?"

i realized i did practically the same thing with sean c. that steve did with alyssa. that is, being unsure of whether or not you should sleep over at your sexual partner's place even though you already have before. when alyssa and steve first started hooking up, he slept over one night and then the night after that he tried to find some subtle inconspicuous way of asking if he was allowed to sleep over. alyssa was really confused by that. when me & sean were still hooking up, this one time when i went over his place to hang out, i just assumed i would probably be invited to sleep over and i brought my overnight stuff. but then afterwards i thought to myself "it was probably weird that i did that, and sean just didn't say anything cuz he was being polite." so the next time that same situation happened i didn't bring my stuff over and he seemed confused by that. that night was the same night he told me he can't be in an exclusive relationship.

last night i watched "from hell" with johnny depp and heather graham. it was good. apparently supposedly jack the ripper was a freemason.

mom's in a sort-of fight with Nana. well, not fight, but things are kind of uneasy between them. it's because nana doesn't think it's right that ben & peter will never meet their cousin (colleen's son) noah, who's like the same age as them. and of course mom thinks nana should just respect the fact that she & colleen are not on speaking terms and therefore their kids will not meet each other.

pop-pop wants a tattoo. he wants a little red devil holding a pitchfork. nana doesn't want him to get it though.

...i'm putting most, if not all, of my pics from june in this blog entry

exonerated

i got sunburnt and then right afterwards i was just suddenly so lethargic. i thought "maybe its just a coffee crash and it happens everyday and i should be used to it so i gotta snap out of it" but i eventually gave in to the fatigue and did end up sleeping at least like a half hour or something. is that normal? sunburn makes you tired?

cats always look like they're smiling. and especially when they're asleep. so happy & content, smiling.

isnt the existence of the two completely different sexes proof that there isnt really any one true reality, one true right, one true wrong, etc?

a couple times now i've gone to tyler park at night to check for psilocybe cyanescens mushrooms. so far nothing.

"here's the way i see it. if you have the capability of identifying hallucinogenics in the wild, and know people that would want them, and have the time to find them and don't mind doing it, then it's your job to do it." that is what i imagine saying to the unexistant park ranger who stops me in tyler park and interrogates me about being there after dark. well actually no i just imagine saying "i'm just doing my job." the longer quote three sentences ago is just my reasoning behind that.

you should have seen the trees at tyler park at night. so huge, tall, beautiful, twinkling; mysterious, majestic, foreboding.

i dont remember what mom was asking me about but i was ready to be done with the subject and just didnt have a reaction to whatever she said. then she was still staring at me and it was making me nervous so i giggled and i happened to be looking at my finger, on which there was a cut from a thornbush or something. somehow the cut looked vaguely like an X. so mom was like "what's so funny on your hand? what are you smirking about?" she grabs my hand. "ohhh, the X. ok. what does that mean? wait i know what it means. exonerated. hear that everyone? she's exonerated. she's off the hook. ok."

nana & poppop were here. ppl were pushing me into playing "baseball." it was the elementary school gym class memory mixed with the beer mixed with.....being a 23 year old person still stuck in her parents' house and bound to the responsibility of being the dutiful daughter, spending even my weekends with my stupid family, being bullied into playing stupid games. it's just like being seventeen again. anyway i cried. i felt stupid later cuz i mean there's really nothing to cry over. i don't have it that bad.

the taskers got a house 10 miles from here!!!

sean m. said something about tying me to a tree and whipping me. i think he was trying to turn me on or something. as if. it had the opposite effect. it just totally killed the mood. i havent been able to get horny for him since then.

all the orange tiger lilies in front of a house on wilkinson road were tilted and pointing in the same direction.

i'm gonna hang out with jason l. or at least talk to him next week. i got back in touch w him a few days ago. i'm excited.