the garden of good and evil

why is kindergarten kindergarten? why isn't kindergarten first grade and first grade second grade? why do they never give you skin-colored crayons and markers to use unless you get like the 64-pack of something? like as if you're being really fancy and particular if you want to draw people. there's this girl i always see at the gym. she seems hyperactive like me. she intrigues me. tonight she noticed me. she gave me a look.

lately i try to remind myself to ask people about their lives and not just go on and on about mine. i've caught myself answering 'fine' to a 'how are you?' or 'nothing' to 'what's up?' and then just forgetting to ask the same question back. so i try to remember. i've also caught myself asking people too many questions until they start to feel interrogated though.

ever stand around in the kitchen wondering what to eat because you want something good but not something that takes too long to make and you keep standing there pondering your choices until you've taken up as much time thinking about it as you would have spent making one of the things you have to make that you consider taking too long to make?

ever blow your nose and then you hear everything much louder?

peter is up. it's 10:30. he stayed up to ask me about the neighbors. he saw the lights of the rothsteins' house and pointed to it and said 'who is that? is that our family?' and i said 'no that's the neighbors, the rothsteins.' he said 'there's all different kinds of noises all around the world, all around the earth, all different little tiny peoples and crumbs all over the earth and some of them aren't a dad or a sister, they're somebody else's dad and sister.' then he was going on about how he doesn't like to sleep. i said 'if you don't like to sleep then why do you give me a hard time in the morning about being woken up?' and he said 'i just like to sleep in the morning. i like to sleep in the morning because in the morning i can hear all different kinds of beautiful sounds but i'm still sleeping.'

i'm on a break from smoking.

today just proves how manic i am. earlier today i was so giddy that i was giggling all the time over nothing. then a few hours later i just wanted to cry over nothing. i went to the gym and felt better.

ok all these words i'm typing just changed from black to dark gray. i don't know why.

ok when i say i'm on a break from smoking i mean i was on a break for the past three days but i took a hit tonight. just one. it's friday night.

that website 'createmytattoo.com' isn't turning out to be as lucrative as i thought it would be. i can be an optimist to a fault though. why did i just see all red?

last night at the library i saw this guy who looked pretty much just like a five-years-older version of sean c. when i say sean c. i mean sean c. last year. he looks different now than he used to. he looks dirtier, grungier, more hippified with dreadlocks and all. he looks like he cares less about his appearance. anyway this guy at the library last night... mmmmmmmmm was he dreamy. if i ever see him there again i wanna just go up to him and say 'you look almost exactly like my friend sean. i think it would be funny if i tagged a picture of you as him on facebook,' and see what he says.

i saw this book in the library and started reading it: 'midnight in the garden of good and evil' by john something. i want to finish reading it, it seems really good. next time i'm at the library with a library card handy i think i'll check it out.