none

1 giant leap, the way you dream. The xx. Black cherry, goldfrapp. Babylon  unwound, thievery.

Dec 26
Periods of time go by where theres a pattern of me getting away with doing  (inconsequential little) things that i shouldn't be doing, and then i start inadvertently gradually living more and more by the 
motto "what people dont know cant hurt them." then something always happens sooner or later, like me being caught doing something 
wrong, that makes me automatically start living in my old mindset: "people have ways of finding things out."  After a while of not 
gettin caught doing wrong things Its really hard not to start living by that mentality "what ppl dont know wont 
hurt them." its esp hard not to start doing that being, like, someone like me. Theres already so many things about me that no one 
knows, never have and probably never will. Theyre just things that no one would care about because its not things that have any 
effect on anyone else but me. Theres just so many things like that tho. Its hard not to let the "mentality" not only hover over 
those inconsequential facts but also sometimes to slip over the threshold into and over the realms of the (definitely and 
possibly) consequential-to-other-ppl facts.  I mean seriously tho who is it going to affect if i give the chickens eggs? 
Theyre going to get a taste for eggs and start eating their own eggs? THEY ARE NOT LAYING ANY EGGS ANYWAY.

Ben's been saying "bungled up" when he means "bundled up." haha

My pop-pop, man. If your at his house and if u ever wanna stop drinking before  he stops drinking, if u ever refuse the offer of "another drink," he looks at u like "what the flyin' fuck is wrong with you? Are 
you whacked?"  

Dec 31
Woke up today with my face all swollen. Vinny has a limp. Something's wrong with  his back left leg. We had to clip his teeth two 
days ago. Yesterday morning ben tried waking me up by bouncing up & down on me 
with his butt and yelling "wake up." i responded by 
roughly elbowing him off me and pushing him over. He whimpered like i'd hurt 
him, and ran out of the room. In the next minute he & 
mom were in the room and she looked to be soothing him like how she does when 
he's gotten hurt. She was saying "you have to do it 
nicely." i got up then. The rest of the day i felt guilty for hurting him. 
Several times i was on the verge of apologizing but then 
remembered him bouncing up & down on me with his butt.

A prostitute walks up to an Italian guy, says $40, anything you want i'll do  anything you want. So they go at it, the guy has a 
good time, he pays her the money and all. A prostitute goes up to a Polish guy, 
says $40 bucks, whatever you want, i'll do anything 
you want. So they go at it for a while he has fun with her he pays her the money 
and all. A prostitute goes up to a Jewish guy, 
says $40, whatever you want, i'll do whatever you want, and the guy says "go 
paint my house."  

Ok so the other night on the phone Jason L. said something to me like this:  ok so i wasnt even really gonna bring this up but over the holidays me & my girlfriend broke up and she moved out so ive just been 
here like with no one else around and just like tryin to think of ppl i like to hang out with and i thought of you and i was 
like "yeah! Liz! I always liked hangin out with her, she's fun." and then i heard on the radio something about the barnes foundation 
and thought "hey yea i should go to that with her, that seems like something she'd be into." and then there was like a pause and he 
said something like "so that should puff up your ego a bit there." i was high then. I think i just like laughed and said 
something like, "heh heh. Sweet. ....oh wait, was that Something i was supposed to say thank you to? Cuz, i don't always catch on, at 
those momeents when i'm supposed to say thank you for something, i'm gonna apologize in advance i don't always catch on." and he 
laughed and was like "you dont have to, it'd be funny if you did." then at 
that moment i thought "oh maybe he's nervous or uncomfortable cuz he just expressed feelings about me. Maybe he feels vulnerable 
or exposed. Maybe i should change the subject to make it less awkward." then i told him about how my pop-pop doesnt like anyone 
to stop drinking before he does, and told him about the funny way he reacts if you ever say "no thank you" to the offer of another 
drink. And i laughed but he didn't, he was just sort of silent, and i was like "ok i guess thats not as funny as i thought it was" 
and he was like "no its funny" and i was like "yea you really sound like you think its funny!" And then he laughed more and then we went on to talk about other things. Towards 
the end of the conversation we confirmed that we were going to the barnes foundation and all and then we hung up. It didnt occur 
to me til later that maybe after he told me he liked to spend time with me, maybe he wanted me to tell him i liked spending 
time with him too.