dec 17

well for a while it was like this: i only wet the bed if i've been drinking. then for the past few weeks it changed. i was wetting the bed no matter what. then the other night i saw some of my college friends for the first time in a loooooong time. i drank. i thought for sure i was going to wet the bed, and then i didn't. then i didn't wet the bed the next night either. strange. you know what else is strange? having trouble getting the munchies. last night i actually wanted to get the munchies. you know, like when you're coming down off a high and you just want to eat cuz food just tastes so heavenly, so fucking good. more than i wanted the munchies, i wanted to be socializing.... but that wasn't an option, i didn't have anyone to socialize with. i thought i'd occupy myself by having the munchies. so i got high, waited a couple hours, watched tv with parents and all, then went to the kitchen and tried to enjoy raiding the pantry and the cupboards and the fridge. there's a lot of tasty junk around too. nana & pop-pop sent a gift basket of food (a lot of which was cookies and junk like that). but somehow nothing really tasted that good. food just wasn't good. so instead of consoling myself with food i consoled myself by doing something i haven't done since i was, like, i dunno... maybe six? i fell asleep holding/feeling/fondling something silky (in this case the silky inside lining of one of my coats; when i was little i used to use one of my mom's slips). and i didn't wet the bed.