bohemian rhapsody

well today was mother's day. overall i guess i'd say it was a good mother's day. the taskers were here for it.

tonight i turned down this guy eric who wanted me to go over his house & hang out. he has all this bad shit going on in his life and he said i'm the last thing keeping him hanging on or something and tomorrow is his birthday, so i felt really guilty and bad for him and got in the car and was about to just change my mind and drive over there out of guilt & empathy, then i remembered it's over an hour's drive and that's an awful long way to go just to be cruel and lead somebody on. for the longest time i was just sitting in the car in the driveway, torn between my need to be somebody's hero and my need to not be cruel and lead someone on. i finally decided not to go over there and when i told him he said "FUCK YOU liz you ruined my birthday."

i met that guy eric online, talked to him a bunch of times on the phone and he seemed cool enough and all, then i met him in person and he just wasn't exactly what i was expecting. we're not on the same page or same level intellectually. and i just pictured him being more...i dont know...sophisticated or something than he turned out to be. well we ended up fooling around a bit anyway. it had been soooo long since i'd gotten any action at all. i wanted warmth. i wanted human contact. we cuddled a lot and made out and dry humped. haha. but it would be cruel to go see him again, knowing that i could never date him and he would totally want to date me.

ben & peter have been randomly singing parts of "bohemian rhapsody" by queen now & then. mom tends to listen to queen in the car fairly often recently, i guess that's why. hahahahahaha. it's so cute. ben one morning as i'm helping him get dressed, "open your eyes..." "look up to the sky..." "nothing really matters.....to me...." hehehehehehe sooooooo adorable.

so are alana and jace. i've noticed that jace just mimicks everything alana does. no i mean not only things she says but ways that she moves and all. if she's laying on a bed, rolling a bit and saying "it's so hot," the next minute jace is on the same bed rolling around saying "it's so hot."

so this morning for mother's day i made smoothies with banana and mango and blueberry in them. also i made two different kinds of waffles: vegan oatmeal waffles and regular non-vegan waffles. ray made bacon and made the coffee and dad made some kind of fancy egg sandwich that involved cutting perfect circles into pieces of bread; i don't know exactly what it was that he was doing.

when mom first woke up this morning i had the smoothies ready and i said "hey mom i made you a smoothie. do you want it now or later?" and she looked at first kind of amused and bewildered, then a little weirded out and scared, and then after a minute she said "oh, yeah, it's mother's day." hahahahahahahahahahaha

oh i did a tattoo on darya's ankle. it's the tree of life. it's like a tree but with a bunch of little swirlies instead of leaves. it looks pretty.

i talked to nana today. she says gram is in a wheelchair and has parkinson's. that seems freakishly fast. i thought i remembered her walking last time i saw her.

last night as me & mom & dad & the taskers were all getting drunk together (and ralph and vinny were out at the bar with us) mom said to dad (trying to hand vinny to him) "hey hold him a little. he wants his pop-pop. spend some time with your grandson. i have a feeling these may be the only grandchildren we ever get." then mom looked at me and said "no pressure," and i said, "i have that feeling too." then i had everyone's attention so i continued: "well i mean chelsea might have kids, but i just get the feeling that i'm just always going to have animals for my kids." and darya said right away "well you would be a good mom."