i thought i could make myself turn gay if i just wanted it bad enough. it turns out, i couldn't.
the two guys i've loved were a cancer and a capricorn.
the two guys i've had ongoing sex-based relationships with were a scorpio and an aries.
just trying to notice patterns.
i feel like such an asshole, like I led Kati on and then blew her off or something. but i just seriously didn't realize i'm not that into girls like that, until some point after she told me she was attracted to me. now i feel like i can't really be mad at sean carione. i did something to someone, that was similar to what he did to me. that's how it seems.
then again, when i thought i could be gay, i was still on depo provera which practically took away all my sex drive, then i was back off it again and all i could think about is penises all the time. so...............i blame it on the drugs. drugs, legal drugs, fda approved and prescribed by doctors, are dangerous. they can lead to broken hearts. hear that? government-approved drugs, they break hearts. they probably break hearts everyday. right now, to me, that seems like some pretty fucked up shit. huh. and there's all this stereotyping about women being so moody and moodswingy and whatever, well yea maybe that's cuz you're putting them on all these drugs, these psychopath pills, changing who they are (but at least you won't get them pregnant).
ben gets his penis surgery tomorrow.
i can't swallow anything without my ears and throat hurting.
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