12/21/11

i think there's a difference between giving up and thinking to oneself "hey this career path entails more than i signed up for and it doesnt really seem worth it and my talents would be better executed elsewhere." this whole time trying to be a tattooist it's honestly felt like an uphill battle. plus i can't do good artwork if the whole time i have to listen to someone moaning and groaning in pain BECAUSE of me doing that artwork. therefore i can't feel like i'm giving a tattoo with love therefore i can't do it well oftentimes. also there's the fact that as a tattooist you're expected to be a socialite and slut and party animal and all this stupid other shit is expected of you and you might ask "why did none of this occur to you for the past four years?" and that's because of my stubborn streak i guess, and the fact that i was "fired" from my first apprenticeship by a male chauvinist asshole and told that tattooing wasn't for me so, predictably, that just made me want to tattoo even more and made me want to prove him wrong. but why pursue a whole career just to prove one asshole wrong? ...i have this horse farm job and someone wants me to illustrate a book she's writing, and i've already illustrated one and i'm doing a cartoon with someone else. none of that sounds as sexy and badass as being a tattoo artist but i'm ready to just stop being in denial of the fact that i'm not badass at all. not one bit.